sunless skies and midwest mondays

i haven't had the time/motivation to get started on any decent work and saturday didn't make things any better. i shouldn't have let those emotions run from me, but when things don't tie together, factor in a few doses of stubborness and inconsideration, not making the mark - those things make all that effort staying up late on heavy reading and trying to multitask everything futile, useless and insignificant.

it is more than a little difficult to feel positive nowadays. i cannot find joy in anything else other than those late night conference calls previously, now and hopefully in the future. because people have no time to listen anymore, and when they do, it doesn't matter already.

i feel more wrecked with every schoolday, the multitudes of information i am expected to process but not use in life is utterly depressing, the hegemony in school is nothing less than detestful. with every conversation i am more inclined to believe that we are all minions working toward a noble, shining communal reputation that wouldn't even belong to us when we leave, and that there are people blindly dedicated to it. sigh.
but i can and i will, breakthrough on my own.