More than you do

Why does everybody like to take the more controversial stand? I am stressed dsakldjalkdshfbds the very. Sometimes I really don't get human nature, and I don't want to go too deep into it either, would most probably end up choking on human relation knots; but everything (at least academic and by extension harhar i learnt how to use this pwhase, everything else in life) demands for it!

With knowledge comes progress, but learning about how people are innately selfish/power-hungry/violent/sometimes rude just makes me feel tremendously guilty about being human and not being able to do anything about it, because if I were to eliminate those traits from my mere mortal frame, me and my ideas if any would get trodden over, crushed, flipped around and crushed again.

Makes life a lot more sickening than it already is.
Actually I am extremely tired, I haven't had my dose of monday television, I have to read about K War and write substantives plus complete the lipids asgn. Forget UN, I need to be more efficient already.

Temperaments of thighs, things and tunnels

It appears that my bout of happiness (false and temporary i know but wtvr) seems rather lasting! And with it comes the mood to imprint it onto this very intangible webpage. It is extremely logical to remember only the happy things and forget about how many days i spent stressing over undone work and wrong impressions.

I have just finished cutting out 8 newsppr articles to make the grand quota of 18 and conclude that I h8 newspprs. Can't shave off the bigass photograph above each article although i want to which usually serves no purpose but for you to identify the person, in which case they are usually criminals or students or foreign workers, not very cute nor memorable z.

I spent saturday aftnn at my granma's place and watched infinitely long and grannyish hongkong drama serials that i struggle to catch the chinese subtitles of. My chinese is very much gone, sadly :( My mother says my loss isn't very significant because i never had much chinese to speak of anyway -.-

Spent the wee hours of the morning at with my paternal extensions at the columbarium, it is so much less smoky at midnight. Walking into the place at 7am onwards is literally putting you at double the risk of lung cancer, and if i might mention, join the ranks sooner than you should have eh. Observed a gazillion traditions that I would never have remembered from early childhood at the place.

We went to Tanglin Mall to get my sister's leotard today (extremely skimpy piece of black rubber for dancing) and shopped for stationery at Kino, bought a nice top from Espirit while my parents had lunch at Starbucks. Boring day.

Ah okay I have a lot of homework to do and am having serious trouble with chemistry bleh.

P.S. If anyone can make a complete ambigram of "History and Current Affairs Society" please contact me because I have tried a million ways and you CANNOT shrink 'and' into 'affairs' NEATLY. Well you can, but it would be an unintelligible, messy pile of twines.

Why does a computer program know me better than anyone else does?

Oh dear, this is really creepy. Some parts are particularly true.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

bye bye orlando bloom,

HELLO HUGH DANCY!

you know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like hot butter sliding down hot toast? well it's like that when i see a store... only better.

a man can never treat you the same way a store does, and even if your man doesn't fit, you can exchange him for another within 7 days.

muacks.

Shopaholic has restored my faith in almost everything (: I could only take so many GP lessons about the still non-existent status of women, how everything is made in china and just packaged differently, that advertising is killing the world, that RETAIL THERAPY IS FALSE HAPPINESS.

How Elizabeth Gilbert tells me in my nightmares that my flair for poetry is probably not mine but my daemon's, how human brains can be easily manipulated; I can only take so much.
My world filled with happy yellow beaming people turned black and crooked.

Hence, emo phase.
I loved the show, I loved the life window display mannequins, I loved Becky's pink Macbook, I loved the last scene when Luke gave her the green scarf! Derek Smeath in the book was Bex's 'Darling Smeathy' who extended her overdraft whenever she needed it but he was a huge (not to mention super ugly) moron in the show. He deserved it anyways. Alicia Billington was as bitchy as expected, I LOVED SUZE I THINK SHE'S SO PRETTY :) I thought the show wasn't too detailed and boring but it covered like the major events so i didn't really find anything starkingly missing.

I really hope they make a sequel before my temporary happiness wears off

and they HAVE to keep him!

i think, therefore i am

hello it's thursday night the days have been crazy. i still have no idea whywhywhy i took h2 math + sciences. read olivia's carol ann duffy and fell in love with the poems. flunked math and very nearly biology (cilia is NOT in the learning outcomes i checked), missing history essays, late nights, jaygees and impromtus. this is only the beginning.

project work coming up right after march hols, jcdcs in april, i don't even sound coherent. i feel stretched, but not yet the limit. i want to go out shopping for stationery, watch a fugly movie, go swimming in the frigging pool downstairs, buy maxi dresses and eat good ice cream. so little time.

As if nostalgia means you did not die

Cataracts grow and spread over the old bark
Blurred vision, like the fading; faded double yellow lines
Along the road uphill.

A man rushes past, with the winds at his
underarms, climalite heavy with perspiration
Philippino maid with a basket of limp veggies
heading toward madam's kitchen

She sees the cooking cleaning washing laundry;
messy beds of tomorrow's children
in every ray of the evening sun.

Provoking the pedestrians they shun
under the miserly shade of thin, bare trees the
gahment sends dark workers - melanine in their sleeves
- shift jack chop the hard grown branches fall

nobody to witness its contact with the ground except
the unforgiving cement and its
army of insects living on the outskirts:

white algae continues to cloud our judgement.

CHARMAINE CHAN 020309

we'll fabric you in love

and go where they'll never find us
(erase my name from your memory)

So many emotions this week i went through and am grateful i went through.
So many people to learn from, how to attain victory but keep the fine line between competency and arrogance, but I guess I will cross the bridge when I come to that.
I find it difficult to hold on to my thoughts, my reactions, strong opposing ideas are so clear for a second, but those disintegrate as they speak, and I fail to recapture them.

I did a random google search on my name after sending the Pre U Sem peeps to the mrt and was extremely shocked to have found quite a few other exact me(s) plus surnames at that, all of which have piercings other than the legitimate earlobe ones and gangsterified - I never knew settling had another meaning. I'm sincerely glad that personalities and values don't run in the names.

Three ants have attached themselves to my computer screen and are enjoying the frying radiation while they melt beside each other. It's so difficult to understand the brown creepers' mentalities, let alone theirs.

I keep using the pause button, but there isn't going to be one in the real thing. And I'm afraid that I will not be quick enough.